A Man Became Boyish (Lyrics)

A Man Became Boyish

and now Miguel

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Lyrics

Scraping a plate sounds of a fork raking the chalkboard

Of a mate whose actions are now the age, of a

School boy¹ in a state after being forced fed his own

Fate the dinners been served to em late drops dribble

Duplicate beads of rain ripple a puddle he wet the

Floor, it bore² the worn lust of a riddle³

Flesh flushed at six points from his own middle⁴

Time past through his body the boy who was diddled. He may⁵

Have left⁶ but now a man stands with the spittle

Can’t place how it slipped from his lips. Now the dude

Was Angered. He vowed to never let that little one

Take hold of his mold⁷ He looked endangered. Embarrassment⁸

Shown he felt over exposed and haggard ever

So from the load he tried to keep. The shame he tries to

Creep. That joint slowly explodes even

When you try to plug up the leaks⁹

FOOTNOTES

1. 1. Check out the painting related to this piece, it is titled The Black Boy (1844) William Lindsay Windus. I am pointing to this painting, and its origin being Liverpool, England—this cities links to the human trafficking of Black peoples across the Atlantic—this also a references to previous work by me here, check out “On The Doc” and my use the BLACK Freighter from A. Moore’s Watchmen. That is the macro connection, but, on the micro—individual body-mind-soul level—I wanted to tie the mythology of this painting to the body of the subject of this verse. The subject in the painting was supposedly a stowaway. I want to shed light on how we stowaway, and sneak our own childhood wounds within the vessel of our bodies. ↩
2. 2. Bore has many meanings and this line cannot be a bore if you bore the weight of a dictionary and looked this word up! ↩
3. 3.

   “… lust of a riddle” points to language itself and how creative expression is often used to allude direct communication especially when using language to speaks to trauma. Think of how many times we try and code language to save others, and ourselves, of embarrassment.

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4. 4.

   Lips, nipples, genitals, chakra points, and other symmetrical things like …

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5. 5. Our friend, the subject of this verse, is suffering from CPTSD. Rapper Phonte speaks about the sexual abuse he experienced from the age of 6 to 12 years of in the documentary, “May The Lord Watch”. He touches on how this sort of trauma creates a shutdown response that has impacted his ability to have meaningful relationships. ↩
6. 6. Or half left. ↩
7. 7. “Confe sustained an unnatural smile, he turned into a mime, words came out—mouth’s not moving—holding a steel smile: cheek bones cocked with malice. He left ... Peluche’s mind was besides the smoke and in it at the same time, hand on the wheel, other hand on the blunt; the rest of voices drowned in the voice of his own head, chest hot as the engine that roared and powered them to their destination.” from Pablo Báez story, Flowers for the Dead and Bullets for the Living or Fried Chicken, Dead Horse, very inspiring. ↩
8. 8. The fear of exposing those wounded little ones in us. Healing the Shame That Binds You, by John Bradshaw. ↩
9. 9. “I’ve spent years as the pressure regulator—keeping everything smooth, breathable, non-lethal. Rage is now leaking sideways.” from Sandolore Sykes Why Can’t I Be an Asshole Too A personal essay about rage leaks. ↩